All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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