I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
