I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
