"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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