Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
