yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
