Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
