I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I bet he comes in French.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
