Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize