Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
