i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize