I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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