what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
