What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it was like having sex with a tree stump
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
