I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
