i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
