you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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