I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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