i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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