Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize