just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
