when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
