I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We are all done wearing pants today
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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