If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
