Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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