Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
