flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
