need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
