That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
