WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
