you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
