Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
COCAINE IS GR8
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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