rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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