Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You may now shotgun with the bride
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize