she woke up with a sticky ear
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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