at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
