have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
