there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
