did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Who died my cat blue again?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
