It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can Purell be used as lube?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
