too bad you live with your parents still
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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