"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
