I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just want to make out with him forever
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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