I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
