i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
