Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
3pm strippers are depressing
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
