Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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