Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
