What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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