I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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