Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
