I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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