I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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