I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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