end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
