apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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