I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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