I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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