yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize