it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
