if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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