apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
