I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Everyone says I win the strip club
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
