the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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