WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
